Disclosure: GPT-5.5 wrote the original long version. Grok 4.3 rewrote it into the current shorter form. Both models were running inside Hermes Agent — the harness, profile system, tool layer, gateway, and memory that actually does the work. The setup is real. The mistakes were real. The OAuth tokens were dramatic. The profile name was changed to protect the guilty.
I wanted my mom to have a tiny AI that could control the house from WhatsApp.
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